Women (Ok. ME) have a bad habit of comparing themselves to one another. WHY? I do not know. Last week was one of those times when I felt like an utter failure as a mom, teacher, human! Do I go to the Lord? Heck no! I compare myself to other Moms who have less children and none with any of the alphabet soup diagnosis of my crazy crew. ADHD, OCD, ODD, FAE, Noonan's, Cerebral Palsy, Aspergers etc. Sometimes I need to write that all out to remind myself, because in day to day happenings they seem like regular kids. Sort of!
Comparing myself to the "Saintly Mothers" with only 3-4 healthy kids is an act of futility. My prayer life is "On the Fly", though I am working on that. My home looks like 25 kids live in it and no matter how often and how far I walk everyday and how few calories I consume I will forever be (in my Grandmother's words) "A nice big, healthy Lithuanian Girl". There are days I wish my Mother had married an Irish Dwarf instead of a relative of Dick Butkus! It is not a pretty picture to look like your Dad in drag!
I need to quit comparing myself. All women do. It is a by product of this bizarre culture we live in. Thin and youth obsessed and over Feminized we knock ourselves out to be better than our neighborhood "Martha Stewart" or "Sister Bertha Better Than You" in the front pew. Personally I think it is a the "Evil One" whispering and taunting. I know this because just yesterday a sweet friend of mine told me when we met she thought I was the perfect mom because all my children (ages 6yo and under) were all dressed so nicely and well behaved. I think I laughed until I cried. Of course she knows better 7 years later. We really do not know that the other Mom has it all together. We are all just schlubs trying to put one foot in front of the other and get through life.
Will someone please remind me of that the next time I take a walk down the hormonal highway!
Independence Day Behind These Stone Walls
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